4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
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