Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
they call him Oral-B. enough said
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
