i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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