nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
