why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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