come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
