Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
