Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
