you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
