gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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