the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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