My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
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