SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
