My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
