fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
