last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
