I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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