why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
