Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
