thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
