So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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