I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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