unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
