You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
