Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
