I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
