I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
