if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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