ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
