why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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