Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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