I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
