Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
