I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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