all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
