I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
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