it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You have to summon your inner elephant
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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