i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
