matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
