Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
