what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
