Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
