I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
