Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
