I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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