I faked an abortion last night.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
