I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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