everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
operation have a gay friend backfired
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize
