and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
