They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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