I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
